By Joanne Rosa
Can you believe we just celebrated 13 years of Rihanna’s Pon De Replay debut? Oh yes, 13 years of having RiRi’s music in our lives, but she gave us so much more than that. The Barbados beauty radiates confidence everywhere she goes, and it’s absolutely mesmerizing. One of the reasons we adore Rihanna is because she didn’t have a perfect life. She had to build herself up to a point of confidence that the world couldn’t ignore.
You cannot become Rihanna, but you can channel your inner Rihanna! Believe me you, we all have a little bit of Rihanna in us somewhere. Mindset mentor and co-host of the podcast All Up in Your Lady Business Jaclyn Mellone knows exactly how you can hone your confidence, even if you’re the most shy and insecure woman you know. Don’t doubt yourself now. Rihanna was a shy girl before she was bad girl RiRi. She did it, and with these tips you can too!
“The biggest mistake you can make is to compare yourself with someone else.”
-Rihanna to InStyle in 2017
Honestly, can we just say ef the haters?! It’s easy to tune in the haters, but you will sabotage yourself if you let that happen. “When we’re worried about what others will think, we drown out our own voice, what we think, want, dream, and stand for,” Jaclyn explained. “Sometimes those ‘naysayer’ voices play on repeat in our own heads. You might call this your inner critic, I like to call in your inner mean girl.” So whether you’re dealing with an actual mean girl or your own mean girl, “write out your negative self talk, then rewrite it so it’s cheering you on instead of bringing you down. Take some time to explore what it is you truly want. What makes you happy, what makes you feel amazing, and what it is you stand for.”
“I pray a lot. A lot. And I try to just look at every situation like there’s some reason behind it. Even if I can’t feel it in that moment, I just thank God anyway, because I know that there’s something better coming, and he’s doing it for my good.”
-Rihanna to The Cut in 2017
It’s common to pin a goal on yourself and tell yourself things will be better once your goal is achieved. If we spent our whole life doing this, we would probably be miserable trying to live our life with a dim light at the end of the tunnel. How many times have you told yourself you’ll feel more confident after you lose X pounds, or you’ll be happy once you’re making X dollars a year? Jaclyn encourages us to stop putting pressure on ourselves to make something happen so we can be happy or confident. “Don’t wait until you hit your goals to feel amazing, feel it now! In fact, if you are only outcome focused, you will have a much harder time hitting those goals to begin with! Challenge yourself to be enjoy your journey more. How can you put more fun in your day to day?” Rihanna believes success is a journey, not a destination. So do like Rihanna and enjoy the ride!
“Every woman wakes up and doesn’t feel her best… who cares about a bad day? You’ll have a good one tomorrow.”
-Rihanna to E! in 2017
It’s not fair for anyone to expect perfection from themselves. You wouldn’t want to be loved conditionally, yet you put conditions on your self-love. Life is funny that way. Go on, laugh about it a little, but the only person getting hurt here is yourself. “You are perfectly imperfect. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else’s version or success or beauty. When you embrace yourself and find gratitude for just being you, you start to exude confidence on a whole new level.” While we’re here, let’s remember that every body is beautiful, OK? We can appreciate the women working the runways just as much as we appreciate the girl next-door walking by you in the grocery store. No one wants a bunch of cloned Instagram models roaming the earth. Find the positive in the things that make you different!
“I was angry. It was coming out in my music. It was coming out in my clothes. It was coming out in my attitude, and I didn’t like that feeling… I had to move on.”
-Rihanna to Oprah in 2012
In 2009, Rihanna’s world was flipped upside down when news of her abusive relationship with Chris Brown spread like wild fire. Before Rihanna forgave Chris, she went through a long stage of anger towards him, and even some ghosts from her past. Eventually, Rihanna was able to move on from that place in her life, and grow from it. “You may have a million reasons why you can’t do something, a laundry list of mistakes or misfortune. Turn your excuse into your purpose. You may feel like the odds are stacked against you, but reframe that into your reason why you can have what you want now.” We know this can be hard, but holding a grudge on something from your past sets you back in life. Learn from your past and become a better person for it. Rihanna did!
“We don’t have a friendship now, but we’re not enemies either. It is what it is.”
-Rihanna to Vogue in 2018 on her relationship with Drake
If they aren’t doing anything good in your life, you don’t need them. This is especially true when it comes to relationships with lovers or old friends. It can be hard to let go of someone that you care for and has been in your life for a while. Jaclyn reminded us what entrepreneur Jim Rohn once said. “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Knowing this, you must choose wisely! Surround yourself with people that uplift you and bring light to your dark days. “Those friends who make you feel like the best version of yourself, and stretch you to be even better? Keep ’em around! Those friends who make you doubt yourself and bring you down, drop ’em.” Watch your life become filled with blue skies and sunny days when the negative energy is gone!