By Joanne Rosa
It’s dangerous out here in these dating streets. You can conduct full on investigations of someone you meet thanks to the World Wide Web, and you can ghost said person in the same day.
If you don’t know what ghosting is, here is The Wendy Show definition.
Ghosting is when someone breaks off all communication with a person they’ve been romantic with to some capacity. This is an alternative to telling said person that “it’s just not working out.” Ghosting in it’s truest form usually includes blocking said person on the phone, and all social media.
In the case of this Ask Wendy question, Wendy thought it best to tell him in person, and Wendy is right. This was not a situation that called for something as hardcore as ghosting. On the other hand, we can think of a few instances where ghosting is necessary.
When It’s OK to Ghost
Some people believe ghosting is the easy way out for the one doing the ghosting, and hurtful to the one being ghosted. Sometimes, certain situations just call for ghosting. By the time you’re done, you’ll be able to walk through walls.
You’ve Never Actually Met the Person
Whether you’re worried about being catfished or the conversations aren’t really going anywhere, there is no harm done in ghosting. In fact, you know you’ve already done this, and it’s probably been done to you. If you aren’t getting good vibes, don’t worry about not saying good-bye.
Three Dates or Less
Wendy always says three is the magic number, and it holds true for ghosting. If you’ve been on three dates with someone only to discover by the third that it just isn’t working out, ghosting is ok. Sure, the other person might have created a relationship in their head by the third date, and it might be emotionally distressing to not know why things didn’t work out, but you gotta keep it moving. You don’t owe this person anything, and they don’t owe you anything either; so don’t be upset when someone ghosts you after three dates.
You Catch on That He’s a Lowlife Dirtbag
If this person you’re considering ghosting was a total creep, stalker, or you just got a bad feeling, you are under no obligation to explain yourself to them. Especially if it puts you in a potentially unsafe situation. In this case, we encourage ghosting to the full extent. Block his number (or change yours if necessary), block him on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Tumblr, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Venmo, and any relevant dating apps. Basically all of the above. Do it quickly. We’ll wait.
When It’s Not OK to Ghost
There is a time and a place for everything in this life, even ghosting someone. As much as we would like to convince ourselves that it’s always acceptable, we know the adult answer is no.
You’ve Been Dating for Three Months or More
Unless he is a lowlife dirtbag (see above), there is no reason to ghost someone you’ve been consistently seeing that is not an imminent threat to your life and/ or livelihood. Whether it’s three months or three years, you need to face the music. It can’t be that bad, so don’t be a coward.
You’ll See Them Again
Sometimes, you can change your number, change your city, and move on from someone without any repercussion. If there is a good chance you’re going to see this person again at some point, you should just face this person, be as cordial as possible, and hope that there is no bad blood to make things even more awkward than they will already be. You’ll thank yourself later when you show up to Alicia’s place with your new boo and he’s there not making a scene.
This Person Has Been Kindhearted
Ghosting can be hella rude, and it can be upsetting to the person on the other end that has done everything right. If this sounds like your situation, give the person on the receiving end the decency of an explanation. Even if it’s just the fact that you have a lot going on in your life, or you just aren’t feeling it, it’s better to clarify what’s going through your mind, rather than have the other person wonder. If that’s the least you can do for this person that is (probably) head over heels for you, then get on with it.