By Joanne Rosa
Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson’s relationship has become the internets newest, favorite couple, according to Vogue. Sure, they’re cute together and their cute posts and comments on social media have everyone gushing over their newfound happiness, but we don’t want to jump the gun here. Ariana and Pete’s relationship came to light less than two weeks prior to the news of Ariana’s split from Mac Miller, and Pete Davidson’s split from Cazzie David.
On May 9, Ariana Grande announced that she and rapper Mac Miller were broken up after two years together. A week later, Mac was arrested for drunk driving after crashing into a pole and fleeing the scene. When an internet troll blamed the accident on Arianna breaking up with him, she spoke out about her toxic relationship. She wrote that she tried to help Mac with his sobriety, and that she isn’t a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be. That same week, news spread that Ariana and Pete were an item.
SNL regular and comedian Pete Davidson told Complex’s Open Late with Peter Rosenberg that he wasn’t together with Cazzie David (Larry David’s daughter) anymore. Pete admitted he loved her very much, but he’ll probably be OK. They dated for about two years, and she helped him through getting sober in March 2017. He wrote on Instagram, “I quit drugs and am happy and sober for the first time in 8 years… It wasn’t easy, but I got a great girl, great friends and I consider myself a lucky man.”
All of this begs this question, are you really ready for a relationship? Relationship & intimacy expert Marla Mattenson brings up the questions we never thought to ask ourselves, and explains why it’s important to know these things before you start a new relationship.
If you’re asking yourself these questions, you’re not ready.
Why this isn’t working? Why aren’t I meeting the right people? Why are the good ones taken? If you’re asking yourself or asking others in your life these questions, this is the first sign that you’re not ready for a relationship. This indicates that your mindset isn’t in the right place and you’re looking for a problem. If you’re looking for a problem, you’re guaranteed to find one. “To be ready for a relationship, you have to believe that there is someone out there for you, even multiple people!”
If you’re in the first year of a new job, you’re not ready.
If you’re serious about your new job, career, business, or side hustle, it needs all of your attention. To give yourself the highest level of success, you shouldn’t date anyone seriously for a year. Now don’t get it twisted. You can date for fun as long as you keep it 100% real with yourself and the person you’re seeing. Be willing to claim your time as an entrepreneur. For example, you have to be able to let your partner know that you cannot cuddle in bed all day (unless you schedule that in your calendar). Practice putting your own needs first, and expressing those needs out loud. You’ll see how different men respond to your honesty, and who is good for your life. So when your partner responds to your honesty with negativity, it will become easy to see who the person is, and end it. That being said, Marla urged that “if someone comes along who proves to be phenomenal partner, you shouldn’t pass it up.”
If you’ve been dating someone that doesn’t meet your expectations, you’re not ready.
If you’re casually dating someone that doesn’t measure up to your expectations, this is not a good sign. This is what Marla calls accepting crumbs. “You should demand a full piece of cake, but instead you’re accepting crumbs. Staying with someone like this means that you’re putting their needs before yours, and it reinforces negative thoughts about yourself.” If you value yourself and are ready to have more than a mediocre relationship, then don’t accept anything less than what you deserve.
If you allow your friends to complain about dating, you’re not ready.
If you’re working hard at not having your own negativity in your life you shouldn’t allow someone to talk negatively about dating around you. Before you go ape on your friend, consider what your friends intentions are when you listen to them. Does she just want to vent, or is she trying to shift your way of thinking. If they want to vent, let them vent, then change the conversation. If they’re trying to convince you that dating is pointless, then stop them as you shouldn’t have to listen to the negativity. Standup for what you believe in! If you say nothing, you’re basically agreeing, and they’ll also think you’re a safe place to complain to. Develop the courage to speak your truth and be 100% honest. If you can’t be honest with your friends, how can you be honest with your partner? Marla explained that humans are programmed to lie, because lying feels safer than telling the truth. Think of being honest with your friends as practice for your next relationship.
If you flirt with people who aren’t available, you’re not ready.
Whether you have a flirty personality, or that one work friend you flirt with during the week, flirting with people who aren’t available is a big no no. Marla described flirting as the “playful way of exploring the possibilities.” Flirting doesn’t have to be sexual either. When you truly honor monogamous relationships and are interested in having one yourself, your daily actions will align with that. If you continue to flirt after you know someone is not available, you’re sending a confused message to the world. To truly honor the idea of a relationship, you must do it with integrity. Honor all relationships-especially other loving monogamous relationships-and don’t entertain a married man.
If you’re still dealing with trauma in your life (past or present), you’re not ready.
Whether the trauma is abuse (physical, mental, or sexual), death, or drug abuse, it’s important for you to get centered as a person again. “You may need therapy and self care with a trained guide so you can emerge free and be ready for a relationship.” Maybe you want to be ready for a relationship more than anyone you know, but you must deal with the issues that are in front of you first. If you start a relationship before dealing with your own problems, you could end up accepting crumbs. Past trauma can often be the root of jumping into crumby relationships.
If you’re still stuck on your ex, you’re definitely not ready.
I mean, we just had to throw this one in for those that need to see it in black and white. As much as you want to move on from your ex, if you’re still hung up on them, your next relationship probably won’t workout as well as you want it to. Jumping into a relationship is a sign that you’re trying to jump into something that’s different rather than healing from your past relationship. Your identity often gets woven into person you’re with, so when you breakup you need to find your center again. If you meet someone and that person is really amazing, they’ll wait for you to heal & deal with your past relationship to set yourselves up for real success together.