By Joanne Rosa
JWoww gave Ronnie some real talk last week. It went something like, “become the man your daughter aspires to have,” and Ron being confused and conflicted. Choking back tears, Ron tried to explain how the whole situation is a lot for him to take in, especially with the expectation of being the perfect guy. JWoww went over and gave him the big momma hug he desperately needed. Ron confessed he’s glad Jenni called him out on his behavior, but he loves his baby mama/girlfriend Jen and she makes him a better person.
TEE SHIRT TIME! The cabs arrived and drove the shore crew to the strip club they went to last week. Jenni loves strip clubs because she loves beautiful women. She was making it rain on strippers, getting lap dances, and clapping strippers’ butts together between her face. Yeah, Jenni had a good time, and Roger is apparently cool with it! Jenni realized at one point Nicole was crawling on the ground picking up stripper money. Jenni told her to stop, but she didn’t until a stripper actually walked up to her and told her to stop stealing their money. Snooki, dancing on tables at the Jersey Shore ten years ago doesn’t mean you deserve that money.
Pauly is the only single one of the crew, and he has yet to bring anyone home! The thing with Pauly is that he’s lived in these streets. He’s lived that bachelor life, and he is trying to find a wife. The girls come up with a plan to find Pauly a girl. They’ll go to a bar, and each of them will find a girl to present to him. Pauly’s skeptical about the plan because he’s been looking for a girl to hold down his whole life, but he’s down to try.
While that’s going on, Mike asked Jenni to help him pick out a ring for her longtime girlfriend. Mike didn’t know anything about engagement rings, including that he will need another ring when they exchange vows. The poor thing started sweating bullets and walked out. An engagement ring is pricy when you owe the federal government a lot of money.
When MVP decided to go to the same club where Ron met French Fry, Ron thought it would be best not to return to the scene of the crime. The club was littered with chicks, which made Pauly and Vinny very happy. Oh yes, Vinny still has a girlfriend, but that didn’t seem to matter much. He thought talking to the bottle girls would be a good idea because they don’t drink, but these girls were drinking. Vinny is smitten with this one bottle girl, Olivia, he called a “hot Britney Spears” (Vinny, Britney is hot ALWAYS). After going through almost two bottles at their table, Vinny actually gets Olivia’s number and told her he isn’t involved with anyone. Mike “the Designation” decided it was time to leave the club and make sure Vinny doesn’t get into any more trouble. Did we mention the VP of MVP went through two bottles of vodka? They were drinking Mike’s share of the bottle, and Vinny’s keto diet doesn’t mix well with an abundance of alcohol.
The next morning, Jenni found phone numbers on the community Jersey Shore cell phone. Vinny figured he should call his girlfriend Elicea and confess about the night, or what he can remember from it. The thing is, every time Vinny calls his girl it’s because he is confessing his crimes. Obviously she was annoyed, and of course he thinks she’s overreacting. At this point why is Vinny still with this girl when clearly all he wants to do is pickup girls when he goes out? It’s no wonder they broke up after taping finished.
The time has come for the shore crew to try to find Pauly a girl! The girls and guys divide and conquer to get as many diverse women as possible. Both teams miserably failed, bringing home no one for Pauly. Everyone met back at the house to figure out a backup plan. Plan B was to make Pauly a cake and surprise him with it. Mike ruined the surprise by straight up telling Pauly they are making him a cake. Not only do they not have any girls for Pauly, but also the cake surprise is ruined. Vinny took one for the team by making a bigger fool of himself than he already is by dressing up as a woman for Pauly. Her name was Victoria.
After that was all over, Vinny called his girlfriend again to check up on her. She answered the phone sobbing. She thanked him for being honest, transparent, and not acting on what he could have done. BUT, (there’s always a but in these scenarios, and we’re not talking about the bottle girl’s butt), she is upset that Vinny acts like what he did is appropriate when he shouldn’t have done it at all. Vinny said sorry in hopes that it would all go away, but it was so ingenuous that anyone could tell he didn’t mean it. Cue hang up from Elicea.
Last weekend, Elicea actually reactivated her Instagram and posted a message to her followers.
“Lesson of the year: the very ones u think wouldn’t do you like that, will do u just like that with zero remorse. And the world will sit back and laugh as u are disrespected by the very people u loved, were there for, and showed the upmost respect to. Thank u for reminding me how depraved the world is.”