By Joanne Rosa
Before we get started here, there is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, being single can be one of the best times of your life!
So co-hosts, don’t even go there. This article is for the people who find themselves single, but want to have a relationship.
Seriously, what gives?! Is it you or is it them? Is there no one good left or are you too picky? Are you dating all wrong?
Listen, we can’t answer that for you, only you can do that. Dr. Mike Dow, New York Times bestselling author of The Brain Fog Fix, knows how to get you to answer those tough questions for yourself.
Let’s get started!
Get out there
When it comes to finding someone, Dr. Dow advises that it’s best to cast a wide net. “[Say] yes to dinner parties, mixers, group outings to concerts, and weekends at the cape… there’s something about in-person chemistry that can’t be replicated.” You’ll have to throw your fishing pole into the ocean if you want to catch something worth taking home to dinner!
That being said, this doesn’t mean you have to go fishing everyday. “Find the middle ground between becoming the dating-app obsessed person going on five dates a week and being the passive person who’s just going to let what’s meant to happen, happen.” You might not have that fairytale moment when you meet the one worth seeing past a first date; that’s fine. Don’t worry about what is out of your control; focus on what you do have control over.
Is he worth it?
Dr. Mike Dow created a multiple-choice quiz for you to see if the person is worth your time. Ask yourself this:
Which of the following can you describe as the person you consider pursuing?
a. Good on paper
b. Good chemistry
c. Both a and b
Obviously, you want the answer to be c. You want to find the guy that makes your brain, and body say yes!
Now, some of us have gotten extremely picky over the years, and this will not get you anywhere. “The psychology of choice has a tendency to make people far too picky. When people have too many choices, they are less satisfied with the choices they make. If there are a seemingly unlimited number of people to swipe left or right on, you may never be satisfied with what you have.” And so, you end up perpetually single. The truth is, your perfect person is out there, but that doesn’t mean he or she is actually perfect. In fact, “love means accepting people for their quirks or flaws that make them imperfect.”
Of course, there are deal breakers. If you have a feeling something isn’t going to workout, go with your gut. Your gut is always right. But, if you think there’s a chance you may change your mind about someone, then it won’t hurt to pursue the person. For example, maybe you were never into someone that was shorter than you, but someone came along and made you question that opinion. It’s possible that your opinion can be changed. Plus, if someone comes along that makes you question your opinion, then that person is worth it.
Are you worth it?
You, my dear, are always worth it! If someone doesn’t think you’re worth it, then they’re not worthy of your time. Plain and simple!
If you keep getting the feeling that no one is interested in you, you have to change the way you feel about yourself. People can sense if you’re desperate or insecure. As difficult as it may be, you need to evoke confidence in yourself. Truthfully, if you are questioning if you’re worthy of someone, then you probably aren’t ready for a serious relationship. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else! Dr. Mike Dow recommends giving yourself real, hard evidence to change the way you feel about yourself. “It could be as simple as creating an online dating profile. When you get messages, you’ll have real, true evidence that there are people who think you’re good enough, attractive enough, or interesting enough to fall in love with. Always remember: there truly is a lid to every pot. You just have to find the one that fits.”
On the contrary, you may need to seek professional help. A relationship is not going to fix your problem(s). “If you spend more time with family, friends, your career, and passion projects/hobbies/side hustle it will be easier to not be so obsessed with love. Love shouldn’t be the only good thing in your life; it should be one of many,” Dr. Dow told us.
Keep in mind…
If you’ve been single for a while now and you are looking to settle down in a relationship, there are three things Dr. Dow wants everyone to know:
- Get uncomfortable. If you’ve gotten used to being single, you may find it difficult to compromise on the big and little things. Allow this to help you become more patient and open to change.
- Lean into your triggers. Nothing forces adults to deal with their insecurities and finish unfinished business like a romantic relationship… By going through things, instead of around them, you may find yourself in a deep and loving relationship.
- Get real… You have to get real with yourself… [this] will help you do what’s necessary to create the kind of relationship you deserve.