By Joanne Rosa
Breakups are never easy. When you and your ex share the same friends, well, that’s where things can get difficult.
There’s no way around the awkwardness, but there are ways to get through it and avoid any more pain than you already have.
Check out how to handle a breakup when your ex is in your friend circle.
Avoid small gatherings
It’s going to be hard enough seeing your ex around when you’re trying to enjoy yourself. It will become even more trying when you’re with a group of less than 10 people. The mere presence of your ex will bring up a lot of memories and feelings that will make it difficult to have a good time. When you’re in a small group, you’re forced to make conversation with everyone, rather than picking and choosing who to spend your time with. You want to avoid being around your ex at all cost, but if you are, do it in a group that’s large enough to avoid him as much as possible.
Be cordial, but stay away
If you cannot let go of the mutual friends you share with your ex, it’s important for everyone involved to be pleasant. This doesn’t mean you should hug and kiss on the cheek every time you see your ex. Actually, we want you to do the opposite. Being anything more than cordial will send the wrong message, and could stir up some old feelings. Avoid physical contact of any sort. Say hello, say goodbye if you must, but don’t go out of your way to do anything for this person. Be civil for the sake of your friends, and for your sanity. If you start being brash at events, you will become the person everyone wants to avoid. Plus, don’t you want your ex to remember what he’s missing?
Keep your friends neutral
This is a very tough balancing act, but it can be done. You’re doing all of this because you cherish the friendship you have with these mutual friends. Whether they say it or not, most of them have probably chosen a side: yours or your ex’s. As much as humanly possible, keep the shared friends out of the drama. Pick one person from the group to confide in (only if it’s a close friend of yours), and exclusively talk to that person about anything you need to talk through. This person should know that what is said between you two, stays between you two. Honestly, if you can keep these things separate from your mutual friends, that’s always preferred. They don’t want to be caught in the middle and you shouldn’t be the person to put them in that position.
Find new friends
Listen, we aren’t saying to ditch every person in your life that has a connection to your ex. However, you should have more than one group of friends to hangout with. By finding new friends, or restoring past friendships that were lost in life, you give yourself the opportunity to create new memories, instead of harping on old ones. The new found friends could be your safe house when you are having a low point, or just need to forget everything about him. Help yourself and find another crew to spend your free time with.
Give yourself time
More than anything on this list, the most important thing to do after any breakup is to give yourself time. You might not be ready to see mutual friends of your ex for a while, and that’s OK. If they are true friends they will understand. If they give you problems with it, don’t even bother with them. At this point, you have no time to waste with people that don’t care about you. Worry about yourself. Take the time you need to reflect on the relationship, and what caused it to end. Get to know yourself, and live without co-existing with him anymore. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you should always be your first priority. So, just do you. Enjoy life to the fullest!
And remember, as Wendy always says, the best way to get over him is to get under someone else!