By Joanne Rosa
Maybe you’re one of those people who can’t see the obvious signs in relationships, or perhaps you’re just one of those people who choose to ignore them. These signs are not one of those annoying car insurance ads that you don’t have to pay attention to. These signs mean that you should get out, and quick!
No one wants to be stuck in a long-term relationship, only to find out the hard way that he’s all wrong.
As Aunt Wendy says, “[Don’t be] blind to the signs!”
Here are five signs that he’s not Mr. Yaaas; he’s Mr. Wrong!
Meeting the Important People
At some point, you will want to introduce your newfound love interest to the important people in your life: close friends and family. Often times, this meeting is crucial to the relationship. If friends and family don’t like your new lover, there are sure to be issues moving forward.
That being said, if the meetings haven’t happened yet, you need to ask yourself, what is going on?! Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and host of LOVE911 on Fox says, “[The introduction] wouldn’t happen on date two, of course, but if its been a few months of hanging out and you haven’t met anyone in his world, you should wonder why. If he hides you, it’s very possible that he’s cheating on you or someone else, or that he’s uncomfortable with your relationship. Either way, that’s a red flag.”
The same goes for you too, Miss Thang. If you’re always making excuses about why you can’t meet his friends or fam, it’s time to say so long!
The “But” Factor
No, we aren’t talking about his butt! For every pro you have to say about him, there is always a con. For example, “he’s nice to me, but he’s rude to the waiter.” “He’s really cute, but he doesn’t have his life together.” If you’re breaking even on the great things about him, and the awful things about him, then you’re not winning.
Andrea says, “If you find you’re constantly making excuses for your man’s bad behavior, take note. Adults shouldn’t need to be managed. You should trust that your guy is consistent in terms of his maturity and his respect for you and others.”
There is only one butt you should worry about. Yesss, honey.
He is Everything… Except Good in Bed
Something as important as sexual chemistry shouldn’t be ignored! If you guys haven’t had those sparks yet, you need to figure out if there is something that can be done to fix it, or if you should try to make fireworks with someone else.
Andrea puts it in perspective: “The thing that differentiates your partner from your friends is the fact that sex is involved! If your partner hates movies and you love going to the theater, you can go with someone else. If your partner and you don’t have sexual connection or chemistry, you can’t get that elsewhere (unless you’re in an open relationship—which is another topic!). The good news: you can work on the sexual spark if it’s important for you to stay together. Mix it up and communicate your wants and needs and see what happens.”
At least at the end of the relationship, you’ll know that you tried, and won’t have to wonder.
He’s Not Your #1 Fan
Your partner should be there to support you in everything you do; in good times, and in bad times; in sickness and in health; for better or for worse. OK, you guys aren’t married (yet), but the same ideals apply! If he is there for you when you’re celebrating your promotion, but not there when you’re going through something, that’s a problem. He should empower you as a woman. Something as simple as complimenting you is vital to nurture your relationship.
That being said, Andrea notes, “of course the person you’re with will have relationships outside of the one you have together, but you should feel he’s there for you consistently. You should know he’s your fan, without having to ask. Good relationships prop us up, not bring us down.”
If you and your partner are not emotionally supporting one another in life, it’s a no-go relationship.
You Can’t Imagine Your Future Together
Last, but certainly not least, picturing your life with someone can reveal a lot about what you really think of them. If you can visualize a good future together, and he wants the same, then you may have found Mr. Right. On the other hand, if you can’t picture your life with him, or the life you see together isn’t a good one, then the relationship is likely not meeting your expectations in some sort of way (see possibilities above).
“Unless you’re looking to casually date, you shouldn’t be in a relationship in which you see no future if long-term partnership is important to you,” says Andrea. “My biggest advice is to listen to your gut. Do you WANT to be with him, or feel you SHOULD [be with him]? Big difference. Follow your wants!”
Remember, you are a strong and amazing person, and should never feel like you are less than the best. We will leave you with these words from Wendy: “[If] this dude is not digging you, you need to move on to someone who appreciates your fabulousness.”